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The Soft Wind That Blows Through ;
Flows Only Once And Never Again ~
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The Average Kid Round The Block, He Doesnt Give A Damn What You Do Nor What You Say To Him, 'Cuz He Knows That All The Shit That Happens, Happens For A Reason. Dont Mess With Him, Just Do Your Own Stuff And Stay Outta His Way. ghost_gothik94@hotmail.com |
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Friday, January 1, 2010, 3:58 AM
Yet another new year, and again it brings back memories. Particularly memories of my Sec 1 year.. Well, I remember being excited and all about going to secondary school for the first time. Woke up super early just to be sure I would be early (not just on time, haha) so anyway, I did end up reaching alot earlier than I'm supposed to. Well, it wasnt very much different from primary school anyway, as I soon found out. Even the dismissal time was around the same. Well, I have to say I did not enjoy my Sec 1 and Sec 2 years because well, I dont like my class. 1/4 and 2/4, that is. For those of you in CCKSS, you will know that 1/4 and 2/4 last 2 years was supposedly the best class. But well, actually, I wouldnt mind admitting that our class is the best at being guai lan and attitude problems. Sure we got the grades, but yea, we all have some sort of attitude problem or other. Heh. I'm not gonna say any more. Those peeps who used to be in 1/4 and 2/4 should know who they are. Well, in other words, I did not enjoy years 2007 and 2008. Another reason I did not enjoy those 2 years was because of my unrequited love. Thinking back on it, I suppose maybe I was a tad bit too irritating. And maybe she didnt have any reason to love me. I mean, I'm not handsome. I'm not cute. I'm not sociable. I'm not funny or humorous. I'm not energetic and lively. I'm not good at popular sports like basketball or soccer. I'm not hyper. I'm not charming. I'm not good at my studies. I'm not in Higher Mother Tongue class. I'm not good at talking. Yea sure, I could understand that she didnt have a reason to like me. But then again, she never gave me a straight answer.. She allowed me to get my hopes up, only to dash them cruelly. It might have been easier on me if she had just given me a clean, straight answer right from the start.. Over the next few months I experienced total darkness. My heart bled fire and my mind twisted itself in agony. I could not cry; no tears came out. But my heart did cry.. And ever since then, my heart has died. I made up my mind that I would not allow such a trivial thing to hurt me anymore.. after all, it did not hurt her in the least bit. And I followed through with it. Perhaps the reason why I was so pained was perhaps because I knew right from the start that it was impossible for me. And yet I tried my best.. For a moment I thought I'd suceeded.. But I didnt. I know that neither of us were wrong. I did pursue her kinda heatedly.. blinded by love and conviction. And she, on the other hand, was in a state of perplexation and confusion.. How to turn him down, without causing major damage? And in thinking so, she might have thought that to drag it out and tell slowly, might be good. But thats not true for me.. Dont lengthen my torment by telling me to wait. If you never intended to accept me, then you should have just told me that there and then. And I would have given up on the spot. I wouldnt have gone through so much and tried so hard to make you happy and ended up damn unhappy myself. And I wouldnt have locked myself away since that night. But in spite of all that, I thank you. If I hadnt met you, perhaps I wouldnt be who I am today. I'm unsure of many things, but yet there is one thing I am sure of: Ever since that day, my heart has died along with the old me. I buried my heart so deep down that it could only ever be found by 1 person, and only 1. The only person who would bother to remove all those barriers.. layer by layer, to reach it. The only person, who fits all my requirements and understands me perfectly without me having to say a single word. The only person who can fully and completely see through me like a transparent sheet. The only person, to hold the key to my heart once more. The one whom is destined, and yet perhaps not yet found. And deep down, perhaps, just perhaps, I still did love her. Just a little. |
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